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Divorce And The Innocent Victims

posted October 1, 2008 - 6:31am
Divorce And The Innocent Victims

Is it becoming a style statement or what? Getting divorced has become the shortest route for one to escape his/her shortcomings and failures, personal, social and otherwise. In short I consider it an act of cowardice.

Two people meet, fall in love, get married and then one fine day, swoosh, it's all gone. Gone where, i ask? Was it ever there? How can you just give up on someone like that? Are you really giving up on someone else or on yourself? I have experienced the feeling. It was a music system. I just fell out of love with it and next day i exchanged it for a better one. But doing it to a cryin', talkin', sleepin', walkin', livin' person is brutal. To yourself.

The people involved directly, tell themselves things and manage but the children, if they are there, are the most affected. They are like innocent bystanders suffering in a situation taking place around them. What is their fault? I mean, you fooled yourself into believing that you were in love with each other and then again that you wanted to spend the rest of your lives with the other person and then went ahead to seal it with producing a child and then now, you just can't stand each other. Where has the child gone wrong?

No matter how justified your reason is for the divorce why should the child live through the agony and the fear of being unwanted, being abandoned, separation, depression, withdrawal etc? How can either parent deprive their own child the love of the other parent. It is not a matter of minutes or hours or days, the absence of a parent will be a permanant void in the life of a child. I feel sick to the core reading about parents who are divorcing and are extremely concerned about their children. Hello? If you were concerned about the kids you wouldn't be thinking about separation. And if you really did love your spouse even one bit, ever, you wouldn't be imagining running away at this stage for any reason. I have seen people keeping small notes, pieces of cloth and other tidbits just because they attach some emotional value to it. But a spouse, they are willing to kick out any time.

Talking of children, the innocent victims of a divorce, research has it that 64% of all children having gone through a divorce of their parents will suffer from some kind of psychological problems that include anxiety, sadness, moodiness phobia, and or depression, do badly in studies or be aggressive in their later lives. Still the 'concerned' parents have a reason which is more pressing than this to leave their spouse. Can't these folks see that their child's world will fall apart even before it has begun to take shape.

How can society be so tolerant of such people? Doesn't the next man or woman in the divorcee's life have doubts about his/her commitment, conviction and social nature. Let's face it, if a person has left one, there is no reason to believe that he won't leave the other as soon as he falls out of love, whatever that means. Shouldn't such people be subject to criminal courts for the crime of child abuse or harrassment or abandonment?

Personally I feel that a couple should be allowed a window period of a couple of years after marriage to make up their minds whether they are or not in love with the spouse. During this period they should not be allowed to have a child. If they want the couple can part ways during this period. Once a child is borne there should be a ban on divorce till the time the child is of an age where he can understand, relationships and their complexities and when he is ready to handle the trauma a divorce creates.



Comments

Forgiveness, Oh High Holy Laurenvork!

"Humiliate"? "Appropriate"? "Think"? The 'new xombyte' was the response I had drafted HERE and (AS I SAID) posted there IN ORDER TO KEEP THE COMMENT SHORT! (Not 'appropriate,' Not 'comfortable,' Not 'negative or positive'; SHORT!) Should I be sorry for feeling that your opinions are equal to my own? Should I remember to treat your words like the moanings of a slave from now on? It really hurts me that you think my reasonings to be such unworthy drivel that 'mentioning the fact that you inspire it' is like 'defiling your sanctuary.' ---Uncle MythMan Enlightens You on Money Here! Xombies Enlighten on Money, Love, God ...Turn Xombie & Help!

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And you apparently think it's appropriate...

To humilate another poster by turning your response to their argument into a new xombyte. I really think that's hitting below the belt.

&Laurenvork--Whose Choice? That of the Mark-Bearers, Yayyyyyyyyy

People make bad choices ... the entire principle upon which divorce is based! So long as we continue to allow them to make bad choices and to leave them unpaid-for, our nation cannot HOPE to retain valid honor! People need a third-person to name the 'kin' to which they belong! A third-person with no 'self'. I don't know if *I* can do it, but I'm pretty-sure UNCLE MYTHMAN CAN! lol ---Uncle MythMan Enlightens You on Money Here! Xombies Enlighten on Money, Love, God ...Turn Xombie & Help!

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And Now I KNOW Laurenvork Just Wants a Disagreement

... But now I've got to shorten this to 'comment-length.' (for the full statements, see here.) in short: DON'T 'GET MARRIED,' JUST '"BE" MARRIED'---i.e. start living together ... looked ad hominem up ... Murder IS justified as the extreme-last option of self-defense, yes; but it's the option that flows most-directly against Life. (And yes, divorce ~is~ murder ... I explain here.) ---Uncle MythMan Enlightens You on Money Here! Xombies Enlighten on Money, Love, God ...Turn Xombie & Help!

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@R.M--Yes, & Bring Back Prohibition!

I mean, you remember how alcohol seemed to taste BETTER before you were 21, right? That's the way marriage ought to be; you're together not because you're s`posta be, but because YOU discovered that you SHOULD be ... and that's not "oughta do what mommy/daddy says"-should, but 'don't FEEL SO GOOD any other way'-should! ---Uncle MythMan Enlightens You on Money Here! Xombies Enlighten on Money, Love, God ...Turn Xombie & Help!

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I happen to think that if we

I happen to think that if we retain a legal definition of "family," we should allow people to retain the right to legally proclaim that a non-blood relative be extended those rights. While we're at it, why not give people the right to legally disconnect blood relatives from that category? Let legal "kin" be a matter of choice.

"I was/am 'an actual child

"I was/am 'an actual child of divorced parents' too (but for the fact that I'm an 'adult' lol).: I'm sorry that your experience with divorce was so unpleasant, but I have never tried to argue that divorce is never unpleasant for the children. Instead, I've been refuting this absolutist idea that it's ALWAYS bad for the kids and never in their best interest. So your bad experience does nothing to refute my point, while the other poster's experience of divorce as the right choice for her family proves it. Sorry. And look up the definition of "ad-hominem." Pointing out that other people are avoiding the argument doesn't qualify. "I may be 'anti-divorce'; but I'm mostly anti-'wrong marriage in the first place.'" How your parents handled their divorce, and you, is your business. How other people handle their relationships is not. Anti-divorce sentiment is standard authoritarianism and has its roots in theocracy and patriarchy.

Ban Marriage

Ban marriage - that will get the divorce rate down. Remove all laws and taxes related to marriage - that will remove the distortions on how people relate to each other. There is no way to remove marriage as a religious act, so you can keep that. As for children, does the research quoted distinguish between the harm done during the failing marriage compared with after the divorce? Two different things. From my experience, children need an environment where they feel loved, protected and encouraged. That can be with both, one or neither biological DNA donors. Money for your Thoughts - join now Epi-BV

@shawn&Lori--Marriage is a Remembrance of the Sacrifice

shawnandlori said that "as a good Christian, that divorce is “always” wrong," but I'll bring up a point that has often been made here: Jesus Himself said that 'divorce is always wrong UNLESS one party commits adultery.' He also said that 'if you look on another with desire in your heart, you've already "sold yourself" to them' ("danced the lambada," "done the deed," "mutated the fetus," whatev). Marriage is thus 'a glad conviction to life imprisonment for your mind'---oh, you can *commit* the suicide; but you'll never get away alive! I think of the first marriage; and remember that though the two were 'the only two there,' they weren't 'committed' until they shared 'that meal' ... Eve sharing because she felt it would be good for Adam, Adam sharing because nothing would be good without Eve ... I mention it at http://is.gd/3yM5 ---Uncle MythMan Enlightens You on Money Here! Xombies Enlighten on Money, Love, God ...Turn Xombie & Help!

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@Laurenvork--Thank You for the Bad Example of 'Ad Hominem'

I was/am 'an actual child of divorced parents' too (but for the fact that I'm an 'adult' lol). I may be 'anti-divorce'; but I'm mostly anti-'wrong marriage in the first place.' If a tree falls between you and your goal; do you grit your teeth and climb over the tree? or do you turn around and hope that you'll find a more-convenient goal somewhere else (not even caring that the first goal NEEDS YOU to find it!) ---Uncle MythMan Enlightens You on Money Here! Xombies Enlighten on Money, Love, God ...Turn Xombie & Help!

---when You Join Xomba, you can join this- and MythMan's other-hot discussions!

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