Another day in the life of a recovering meth addict. Its been almost five months now since I last used speed, and life is going pretty darn good. Dont get me wrong...there are days where those fleeting thoughts like "Just one more time", "no-one has to know", that kind of crazy thinking goes through my head.
It never worked for me before, so how could I even fathom the thought that it would work "this time"?
It's those insane thoughts (insanity: trying the same thing over and over, thinking you'll get different results) that take alot of people back into the nightmare of active addiction.
As addicts, we have the ability to beat ourselves up better than any other human being possibly could. Deep down we don't feel that we really deserve any better.
I was told by a friend once: "You're the most self-destructive person I have ever known". I guess I was the only addict he'd ever met, because every addict I have ever known has been on a mission of self destruction for years.
Maybe its the choice of drug; heroin, speed, crack, pills, alcohol, marijuana etc.,that make the mission either a quick trip downhill or a long, painful, drawn-out appointment with death.
I'm grateful that I was able to arrest my imminent destiny of "death by drug abuse".
It didn't happen with the first try, or the second. It happens when you finally realize "enough is enough", and you can't stand the despair you are feeling any longer.
The reflection in your mirror is suddenly someone you don't like looking at. Someone you don't recognize anymore. Someone ugly. Someone barren. A shell of flesh, yet hollow inside.